The Ladies Review

Welcome to July, Welcome to America

2008-07-06T07:21:00.001-07:00

We all have alienable and unalienable rights. America accepts and excepts all, right? On this heady day two days after the 4th of July I would like to reflect on what we have accomplished and what we are as a people and a nation. We are a nation who has hit the high heights of life and culture. We are the defenders of good fashion and consumption. I could go on but why when one picture would speak at least of one thousand of my words. This is the picture that we should all bow down and salute to. America, mi amore!

Why is there so much pain in the world?

2008-06-24T09:04:00.001-07:00

I write out of anguish today, ladies. Why must people be so cruel to those who are admittedly so much more than us? Yes, you guessed it, I am referring to the BBC article that Celine Dion's cover of Shook Me All Night Long was the worst cover ever made. I took it as a rushed judgment. Did they once look at her heels? How about her almost human appearing horse face? Let's cut to the video:

I have always felt Celine's voice is reminiscent of Madame from Madame and Waylon Flowers - if it weren't for her frog accent:

Celine when will you find justice? You sure found a rowdy group of Amway folks by the look of your sold out concert but when will you be able to find justice and a great pedicure? Tell me -- I am waiting on pins and needles and it hurts!

On Schlomo, Afternoons and One Too Many Bon Bons

2008-05-08T06:20:00.001-07:00

I really have no excuse for what I am sharing with you today Ladies except for this -- I am hopelessly open to all and hopelessly yours. Why seeing Schlomo launched me into a tailspin of reminisces, I cannot fully say. Emotion and emoticons and have always had a certain hold on me. So, today I pulled out my Frango Mints, two bottles of Chablis, flipped on the TV for the afternoon and put this together to show you how it all worked out.

Christmas in July

2008-05-07T17:15:00.001-07:00

OK, this a bit freaky, but it makes this Lady wish that winter was here and the snow was falling while I was all snuggled up with Skittles and Mr. Peepers next to the fire while drinking a mug of General Foods International DeCafe French Vanilla Café.

4 Hand Job

2008-05-07T17:08:00.001-07:00

Whilst we're on the theme of music here at the Ladies Review, let's look at this visual gem of what happens when 2 boys work together. If 2 hands are better than 1, then 4 is, um well a handful.

Schlomo Gets the Ladies Dancing

2008-05-07T16:27:00.001-07:00

The only thing missing is some Barry White overdubs.

Schlomo really gets this lady shaking the booty.

It's Lady Day!

2008-03-25T07:29:00.001-07:00

Brotherhood, today is the most specialist day of the year. Don't believe it is that time of year again? You should -- Lady Day has been around for longer than my Gregorian and Julian tendencies towards calendar preferences. Let's just say that Lady Day has a more rich and long history than the cottage cheese on my thighs. Literally. Lady Day was New Years Day until 1752 when it got manhandled into Lady Day. I call it a day for celebration!

Spring -- Approaching the Prime Of My Life

2008-03-10T09:00:00.001-07:00

Brotherhood, spring is stirring inside me again. Don't worry -- it IS infectious! Yes, you are welcome! With springtime comes reflection. How did this winter leave you? Cracked, sanded, salted and full of mixed precipitation? I hope not. But if it did, allow yourself this little pleasure of rebirth and introspection:

Is spring stirring something in you now?

Being All That I Can Be!

2008-03-04T05:33:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, yes I admit it, I dare to dream. I dare to dream of open skies with new horizons and no boundaries. I dare to dream of a world where I can take on all the powers that be and rest on top of the hill of femininity satisfied like Gabe Kaplan after "Welcome Back, Kotter!" was renewed for a 3rd season. It is hard to express how this feels or what it might look like but I think this film captures all of it beautifully.

Contrasts

2008-03-02T20:53:00.001-08:00

With International Women's Day right around the corner (the same day as Freddie Prinze, Jr's birthday -- imagine that people!) I figured it was time to see how far we have come and where have been or as I like to put it -- where I am a has been. Does that sound right to you? Our baseline today, Ladies, is once again the 70's and Bea Arthur and Americana:

Heady times! The good thing about generational growth is that it really pulls at our collective soul's elevator and ladder by pulling at our joystick to right things. Whew! Feeling turned on? Well, let's take a look at far we have come, Ladies. Flash forward to the present day:

Remember when you are in the depths of celebrating Freddie Prinze, Jr.'s 32nd to make a little time for your Millennial Lady inside you!

Lady Grey

2008-03-01T16:28:00.001-08:00

This cold spell leaves a lady wanting for the warmth and sunshine of spring, not to mention a little action in the birds and bees department.

The best remedy of course is to snuggle up next to the fire with the felines Skittles and Mr. Belvedere with a hot mug of Lady Grey tea.

How do I take it? Sweet and creamy like my men of course.

Brings new meaning to the phrase tea-bagging it.

How deep is your...what?

2008-03-01T16:19:00.001-08:00

My post-seventies reminiscing landed me in a mixed up maelstrom that was part Captain & Tennille, part Bee Gees.

Normally the question "How deep is your love?" would be followed promptly by a slap, but in this case, the question is innocent. Or is it?

Do that to me one more time

2008-03-01T14:27:00.001-08:00

Whilst pining for the eighties, I went back a bit too far and accidentally starting pining for the seventies, which only leads to one thing: Captain and Tennille.

The collective phrase for a lady in that era of eras was simply this:

"Do that to me one more time, once is never enough"

But nobody says it more eloquently than Tennille. The feathered bangs, the strawberry lip gloss, and a healthy amount of rouge are all just icing on the cake. Oh baby, do that to me one more time.

The Word of the Day

2008-02-26T08:53:00.001-08:00

Ladies, and lady lovers ~
Today's word of the day is "lovelorn".

You know what it means, how it feels.

For those of you who don't, here is a little reminder...

When it is OK for a Lady to Blush

2008-02-21T08:00:00.001-08:00

Brotherhood, I do not wish to evoke any double entendres -- this time! Today we will not be discussing rouge or white wines that are made from red grapes and questionable morals, no. In fact, we are dangerously close to a triple entendre here -- we will be talking about Fela Kuti, the Nigerian musician. What? You have not heard of him yet? Well, before you hear him, why don't you get a gander and turn rosé:

Fela can bring out the Lady in anyone and by that I include Charles Durning. Fela is Afrobeat and I think you will find that it will get your hair in curls faster than anything Remington, Sunbeam or GM makes to turn your locks. Still undecided? Try this out with a nice glass of Champale and imagine yourself gliding off the best pedicure of your life:

When you wake up, have two cans of Carnation Instant Diet and call me, your doctor, for more to heal what ails you.

I've been to paradise...

2008-02-18T11:04:00.001-08:00

If the last post by Lady Auburne didn't quite fit your view of yourself as a fellow Lady, then this version might speak more to your self-image.

On Being A Lady

2008-02-18T07:24:00.001-08:00

Being a Lady of stature and moral non-turpitudeness is no small task in the hustle and bustle of today's MTV, Home Shopping Network, Rhoda-less world. Excuse my pun but sure, you may have all the Oxygen you need to live but are your feet really on the ground while you keep reaching for stars? Are you truly grounded in your being or just able to let a 12 volt charge pass through you with minimal internal damage? Are you three pronged or two? I think you know where I coming from, ladies. If not, take a gander here and educate yourself. Learning to be a Lady is a high stakes game. One complete with rules, rewards, double whammies and Jokers Wild!

And, if you are ever feeling lost there is a found for you. It is here:

Barbra Streisand
160 West 96th Street
New York, NY 10025
USA

When Veklempt...

2008-02-18T06:03:00.001-08:00

This is a sticky subject at times but I have never seen it better explained than here...

The pain, the curiosity and the indigestion that come with veklempt is all captured in this song so we can grow!

Ladies and Gentlemen, or not

2008-02-17T12:30:00.001-08:00

Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.

Well put Mr. Butler, you always did seem to get the last word in.

Every now and then I get a little bit helpless

2008-02-15T15:36:00.001-08:00

Not sure what the dancing ninjas have to do with this video, but I think this pretty much sums up why I pine so much for the eighties.